It’s been a quiet week here in the shop.
This leaves me a lot of time to organize not only the shop, but my thoughts and plans for the remainder of the year. The last several months have been a whirlwind of preparations to open JANE, train for a marathon, and wrap my head around the impending arrival of a new member of our family: A BABY GIRL.
My middle daughter Bailey is having a baby come New Year’s Eve and I’m still trying to grasp this reality. I mean, when I was her age, I had TWO babies so I’m not sure why it’s so hard for me to process. Maybe it’s because I feel like she’s too young, but it’s more likely because I feel like I’M too young.
Looking back on my life I would not ever change having my girls when I did, but being a young mom is hard. Like, super hard. THE HARDEST. Before you even realize what it means to be an adult, you’re suddenly in charge of someone else. There’s so many sleepless nights, sacrifices, and lots and lots of tears. And these things don’t stop when the baby is out of diapers. Just last week I found myself in tears when Bailey finally made it safely to her gate en route to Greece, after losing her phone and then finding it again in the San Francisco airport. I held it together long enough to assure her all would be fine but as soon as our call disconnected, I fell into a heap of tears. How is my baby having a baby?! How is she going to make it to Greece all by herself when she can’t even keep track of her phone?! What if she doesn’t drink enough water?! Why haven’t I prepared her better for this life?!
I often get asked for parenting tips from friends and acquaintances. They want to know how I raised such hard-working, gracious girls who are just as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside. I never know how to answer this because I honestly don’t know. I can’t count the number of times I felt like a failure, like I was going to die a slow and painful death before they ever made it out of middle school, like I wanted to run away to Mexico and change my identity just to avoid the never-ending piles of laundry. Frankly, I just did the best that I could to survive. I learned as I went along and after being a mom for almost 25 years, I’m sure I still don’t do it right. But I do love those girls more than anything and no matter how hard it’s been (I’m talking to YOU middle school years!) being their mom brings me so much joy.
Now Bailey is going to have her own little girl who will eventually become her best friend and I’m just hoping she has the exact same dimples as her mama. I’m so excited to see what this new chapter in our lives will bring, even if I am too young.